This is an interesting conundrum; the idea of ‘Am I less than, you are less than, he or she is less than’…less than what?

I’m certain we all have compared ourselves to someone else at one point in our lives who seemed to be better looking, smarter, richer, younger, or in some way better, at least in our eyes.

Yes, I admit, just recently I saw myself as less than, because it appeared that the other person was exactly that: younger, prettier, more desirable to someone I love. It stung deeply. But then I asked myself: “Why not embrace who I am and what I stand for? Am I really ‘less than’ just because of appearances?”

Franz Kafka: "Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way."

The truth is that I am not this or that, not male or female, not white or black, not Mr. VP or Mrs. Superwoman. The fact is that I, my Soul, simply is the ‘I AM,’ (my awareness that I exist) nothing more, nothing less. ‘I AM’ contains all there is. Think about that one!

In dealing with my mental pain, I remembered that everyone (even the unlovely and unkind) is already perfect and good by nature, because each of us is an individual particle of the God-power. It’s our actions that are sometimes ‘not so good’.

Acknowledging the fact that I am in charge of my own life and knowing that I am the captain of my ship enables me to decide which direction to go. Loving myself and taking command over my own destiny takes courage and willpower. I have the courage to do so. I have the power to create my own perfect and loving world. Much easier said than done, I know, but I realized at that moment that I cannot be ‘less than’ my creator has created me, and therefore ‘I am not less than’.

As I am working on correcting my feelings and dispositions about my self-esteem and self-image, I find implementing the changes more difficult than expected. But I encourage myself to not give up. I accumulated my habits over a long period of time; so it will take time to change my mindsets and unravel the emotions. There are many layers of unresolved thoughts. I must keep digging, peeling off layer after layer, and stick with sound reasoning, and soon I will see the progress of my labor. It only takes 51 percent to tip the scale to a more positive experience. “Keep plowing”, I tell myself, “keep plowing…”
With Love, ULRIKE
​www.thehappypaintbrush.com

“What have you done lately to make yourself happy?” this is how my therapist usually starts the session. I think for a minute and he repeats “Really, not ‘what have you have done to make others happy, or help someone in need, or give support to your husband, but what have you done for yourself?” I think deeper and quietness ensues.
I always have, and still do pride myself in what I’ve accomplished, listed on my life’s goal list. I’m a list maker. I’m a planner, sometimes maybe too much of a planner. I live how I want to live. My desires are not elusive, nor imaginary. They are solid goals, achievable through my yearning, determination, and sincere want. I always make sure, however, that this desire is good not only for me but for all concerned. Selfishness has no place in Goodness.

My daily work is part of my self-expression. I express myself in many ways, and I make sure that I love what I do. When I love what I do, I am certain, I will express my highest self, my true nature, and through this love contribute to the good for all. Well, at least that’s the way I look at it.

But with all these goals and ‘black and white’ approach (another term I learned from my therapist) did I forget something? Did I miss the variance of ‘there is a middle ground’? Did I forget the enjoyment of self-love? Did this regiment of daily strategic planning and analytical reasoning neglect the wellbeing of my soul?  Did this habit of not always doing what’s mentally healthy for me, cause some of the challenges, because I overlooked the fact that I am valuable too? Did I ignore my capacity of self-love, thinking it wasn’t all that important, as long as I did right by others?
I gave deep thought to the statement: ‘Start loving how you want to be loved.’

I cannot give true love (not affection) if I doubt my own self-love. Am I good enough? Am I worthy of love? Are the doubts and fears of negative childhood experiences still influencing my self-worth today? Of course, but this love for self must be felt. I’m not talking about ego or self-aggrandizement. I’m talking about humble, kind, and grateful self-love.

Words are empty if they are not felt in the deepest chambers of your heart and I realize that I am the only one that can root for myself and accept myself as the person I have become. I do like myself, at least that much I can admit.
I appreciate that others are supportive and stand by me in hard times, but my true rooting and cheering comes from an inner sincere desire to be the best I can be. The best, not as a competition, but the best according to the Allness of Good, the factual Law of the Universe.
With Love, ULRIKE